Give More Than You Take, and Leave It Better Than You Found It

Throughout my own journey and the part that included parenting two people into adulthood (one down and one almost done), I've tried to think of pithy mottoes I could offer that they might remember and that will make their lives easier. I remember the realizations I've had in my life - discovering that getting into work five minutes early and leaving five minutes late might initially feel like the employer is getting something undeserved from me, but it made the rest of my life a whole lot easier. One of the things I tell my kids is to give more than you take and this ended up as a directive on my art project too. I've wrestled a lot with whether this sets them (and me) up for some sort of martyrdom, and have come to the conclusion that it does not. In the same way that giving that extra ten minutes to an employer makes them look the other way when you have an inevitable delay, when you routinely give more, even the coldest person has a moment of pause when you are in need. And let's face it, none of us will ever attain pure autonomy.

But more than some quid pro quo ziglaresque approach, giving more than you take makes the world better - even if you're the only one doing it and it's just your small share floating out there all alone - I believe it makes a difference. And when I realized this and began living my life this way, I started to really attract better people into my world. And that led to feeling like I could set up some boundaries that kept those who don't play by those rules at the right distance from what I was doing. And that changed everything.

So today I'm cleaning this home I've been renting. I've approached all my interactions with my landlord from the perspective of giving more than I took, and he recently told me that this has been the easiest rental he's ever had - I agreed. I'm cleaning from the unseen tops of the ceiling nooks down to scrubbing the corners of the baseboards - a little every day until will leave. I'm replacing the toilet seat, even though it had a crack in it before we got here, and the towel bar that was missing when we arrived. And you know, these things cost me pennies where I picked them up at garage sales and thrift shops but they won me more than a good reference, they've won me a friend. When I want to settle down again, I know who to call. And I know that he will help me. And he knows he can ask for my help too - perhaps with a job he has cleaning out rental units that were left in bad condition.

So I'll pass on here these two mottoes that my family lives by now - Give more than you take and Leave it better than you found it. If the world worked that way, everyone would have plenty, and everything around us would be better and better every day. Since not everyone practices this, those of us who do keep it all from going horribly wrong - because if everyone practiced its opposite, we'd live in a dump and feel terrified of everyone all the time.And I just can't live that way.



Update on the Soiree:
Lovely people turned out and took a whole bunch of my stuff. I purposefully did not take any of the things they brought since I'm trying to get down to just the belongings that can fit in an RV and the smallest storage unit available - that's the goal.

The bread turned out way better than I expected and everyone left with a full belly, although the Stone Soup did end up with a lot more onions than anything else - still, it was very good. On a personal note, Sangria is very very easy to get very very tipsy on. Must remember this. It's just so smooth going down that you keep thinking you're drinking juice. It's a whole lot more fun watching people look through your stuff when you are giving it away for free than it is when you're selling it. Everyone is happy like it's Christmas morning. I'll definitely do a fun swap instead of ever suffering through the petty competitiveness of a yard sale ever again.